Me trying to finish something important on time:
psychic: *reads my mind*
my mind: ba. ha baba. ha baba da gaba.
psychic: what the fuck
Wanda would rather let half of the population of the universe die to save a Microwave Oven.
A MICOWAVE OVEN
my waitress was pouring me more coffee and she said “sorry there such tiny cups” and I accidentally said “they sure are handsome little boys” and she just looked at me and walked away I don’t think I’m going to be able to look her in the eye for the rest of the meal or ever come back here again
lordofthebutterfliez